Laura Dockrill

Laura Dockrill is an award-winning children's author and illustrator, and performance poet. She grew up in Brixton and attended the Brit School and still lives in London. She writes for young people of all ages, from picture books up to YA, including works of poetry and theatre. Laura's first adult book, What Have I Done, is an account of her experience with Post Partum Psychosis and was won in a four-publisher auction by Vintage. In 2020, Laura was nominated for a BAFTA for her short film Goldfish, which she co-wrote.

Laura had an idyllic pregnancy and couldn't wait to meet her new baby. But as she went into labour things began to go wrong and Laura started to struggle. A traumatic birth, anxiety about the baby, sleep deprivation, a slow recovery - all these things piled up until Laura (like any new mum) felt overwhelmed.

As many as 8 out of 10 new mums struggle in the weeks after birth. In Laura's case these feelings escalated scarily quickly into postnatal psychosis. She became paranoid and delusional and had to be institutionalised for a fortnight without her baby. Throughout this time she was haunted by a sense of: 'What have I done?', at first as she wondered if she could cope with her baby, and later because she was trying to grasp at reality as she slipped into nightmarish delusion.

Laura's experience was devastating but this is a hopeful book. Not only has Laura slowly recovered she has come out the other side stronger and more assured about parenting on her own terms. Now she is determined to break the silence around post-natal mental health and with her story tell new parents: you are not alone.